MY LUCKY STARS.....

My lucky Stars..

          Some people are born with silver spoon in their mouth or Goldware on their body like Mahabharadha Karna. Sadly I was born nude, stripped of all luck. When Jesus was born, the Star of Bethlehem was visible. When I was born forget the Star of Salem, not even a single star was visible on that fateful DAY (!)

         When the 'extraordinary' people and 'ordinary' people rock between 'Good luck' and 'Best luck', I fall in the 'extra' people category and smocked between 'Bad luck' and 'Hard luck' as my guardian angel must have committed suicide on the day of my birth.

         What is luck? When a group of stars kicks you around like football, luck is the referee who gives time out and saves your butt. As they tell, after getting kicked on one butt, I showed the other. Now I can't sit properly.

           While guardian angels substitute their player with other players, my angel is like Steve Bucknor in Cricket who joins with opponents to lynch me.

           In simple term if you have a wife with many sisters, it is luck. If she has cousin sisters too, then she is "wife made with added preservatives". If you have a wife with many brothers, it is bad luck.

          When I was a boy too, my friends were lucky and often found rupees on the roads. I found only papers and plastics. May be God wanted me to make my own money by rag picking.

          As my name started with "A", I was always called for any recitation ahead of the whole world. When I fail, Our teacher used to be fresh and beat me as if he was going to retire on that day. In those times, I had wished that my name could have been 'Zaheer Khan' or 'Yamraj' .

          To charm the "Luck" Angel, I tied rope on my neck(!), biceps and triceps. Wore rings with pearl, granite and kidney stones. While luck Angels clinked with others like their sixth finger, my angel always showed me the middle finger!

         While some are lucky to get bank loans for making bikini calendars, my luck won't even allow me to take bank education loan at my tender age of 40. I think it won't stop till I stand in single piece swimsuit either in bikini calendar or in front of Vadapalani Murugan temple.

            My ambitions are always summarily rejected as my luck is minimal like hair on popeye's head which I receive in EMIs. Wanted to be a doctor but ended as patient. Wanted to be an Oscar musician. But all I could play is death music. Wanted 3,4 wives on either side but ended with one who block all sides.

           So I am the "unluckiest boy" on date. I hope there won't be any contention for this coveted title.

War With Watermelon...

War with Watermelon ..

                                     

While the World is confused whether watermelon is fruit or vegetable, I was confused how to choose a good watermelon.  Buying the right one is nowadays more difficult than finding a man who doesn’t advise in Whatsapp. 

I had never bought a good, reddish and tasty watermelon. I was always goaded, admonished and reprimanded by my family for selecting them as yellowish as a Pumpkin. (Can’t you even pick one small watermelon?) In order to avoid this onslaught, I had to find a way.  I decided to catch the bull by its horns. [1]

I daily bought one watermelon to hone my skills. After all it was a war between watermelon and me.  So “Operation Watermelon” began.  I hit the books as the LAST resort as I always do during my academic days !  I found some interesting ways of choosing a watermelons  like...

Knocking the watermelon for the RIPE sound...

I knocked to check them with crooked finger. They all sounded same like tapping my pot belly. But I kept knocking till the shopkeeper told “No one will come out, don’t waste your time”.  Still with the sound I heard, I selected one. Score read 1-0 in favour of watermelon.

Looking for small joints… 

The joint where the watermelon was severed has to be small. I followed it to the book.  I ensured that even the shopkeeper was small.  Still the bloody watermelon was white like custom uniform i.e bit yellowish.  Score 2-0 in favour of “you know who”. (Don’t waste money and time, I will get it from the shop)

Watermelon must be darkish green and yellowish at the place where it laid on the ground…

I carefully followed the rules.  Later I was told that it was a hybrid. (Don’t you even know the difference between the country watermelon and hybrid!!)   Score 3-3. Ok I got it.  3-0.

Watermelon must have large stripes like zebra… 

I tried stripes, checked and printed. But the watermelon remained plain. 

As my maid was getting one watermelon daily, she was using it for facial, playing and eating. She encouraged me to try other fruits as well!

             

Many of the watermelons I handpicked were having wide cracks inside.  On seeing that my family was afraid that I was about to poison them.  The condition of the watermelon was called “hollow heart” but I was broken heart.  (How one crack gets another crack, we don’t know)  [2].

       

  

          In order to win this, I befriended a shopkeeper and offered 10 rupees extra so that he would select the best one for me. Thereafter it was success all the way and I am being applauded as the best selector of watermelon. 

Wikipedia type explanations !

[1]     Later I found that it was not a bull but buffalo.

[2]     My family doesn’t know “Birds of the same feather flock together”!