A fair journey...
Fair colour has
always been an obsession with south Indians. There can never be a southie
who didn’t bleach or done facial at some point of time. Society
itself is partial towards white. That's why white is auspicious and black is
the colour of sorrow here. All white things are considered to be good like
White lie, white money (!), and white Rum whereas black is looked down like
blacksheep, blackmail and black list.
I too tried to become a ‘whitie’
during my younger days as my father had told me to be ‘fair’ in
life. My experiments with ayurvedic, acupuncture and grandma tips
failed like cases against Salman Khan. So I had always longed to be White like
a European or golden like Chinese or wheatish like North Indians.
Recently I was taken for a ride by
a dermatologist. He became my friend in the line of
duty. He assured me that my tanned skin colour could be turned into
‘white’ if I knew how with foreign cosmetics. He explained to me about melanin,
pigmentation and how to eat healthy foods for glowing complexion. I am a
simple fair and lovely man but my obsession with foreign things got the better
of me. When he promised to give me 60 shades of grey in 60 days, I followed him
like hutch dog.
My doctor, like Rajinikanth, told
me that my physical system had to be cleaned up first and gave me a tablet to
clean my stomach. Foreign tablet ! Last time I took an “Sudheshi” tablet to
clean my stomach, it had failed miserably inside my six pack
stomach. It was time for foreign tablet now!! Thus the "Swachh
Ashok" campaign began.
I took the tablet on a weekend
which turned into a weak end. Stomach cleaning started slowly and gathered
stream! What started as a locomotive soon turned into a bullet train
with sirens blaring. It was like Niagara flooding inside rest room. My six
packs were shredded into pieces. Intestines, bowls including my soul
went down the drain. Rest room became my living room for that day. I was
exhausted but impressed with the quality. Foreign product !!
I was mentally
ready to turn fair. After getting foreigners’ colour, I thought of changing my
name to ‘Ashok Alexandre’ or ‘Ashok Clinton’.
I took my photo before starting the
course as it could be useful for the “Before” and “After” still.
My doctor prescribed and I
bathed in foreign soaps, applied gel, coated cream and powder on the face and
ate tablets like pop eye, the sailor man. I stopped going out in the “goddamn”
sun light like drakula as it would be detrimental to my ‘wouldbe’ fair
complexion! It went for a month but nothing was changing except my
back balance. So I went back to my doc.
My doc told me
that it would be a slow process like straightening the dog’s tail and gave me a
different set of kit box. Tom Cruise was there on the lid of the box and my
“Mission Impossible” dreams resumed. In the meanwhile some boils popped up and
it boiled on my face. I returned to my doc.
The
doc told me that my body was not accepting the changes like my family and
prescribed some more Sodium, Potassium, Cyanide and Bleaching powder to stop
the problems and assured that things will be rosy thereafter. I
reluctantly reduced my dream of getting French colour to north Indian
colour.
At least after
getting North Indians’ colour, I can change my name to ‘Ashok Agnihotri’. But after
15 days, when I looked at the mirror, my colour winked at me like Rahul Gandhi
and told “Don’t be childish”.
But after a
month, it was itchy bitchy all over and patches came in batches. I rushed
to my family doctor. He listened to me for five minutes and scolded
me for twenty minutes. He told me that our skin need not be white
but our heart must be. He made me to understood that good things also start with
black like “Black Label”.
Now I am looking
for a way to change my heart into white, gold or wheatish
colour. Please suggest.
Scratchingly yours,
Ashok.
