TITBIT

                              

Some of my daily bickering on my facebook page is given for enlightening the common public, eradication of poverty and education of youth...

Doubt Corner

How come Private companies helpline/complaint nos. come in fancy number for reminding you easily like 8888888888 or 68886888 while Govt helplines come in 7_89#26*9^ ?

Night Vision
Some one told me to count the goats if I don't get sleep. There are 19 goat breeds and 67000 goats in Tamil Nadu. I have counted all of them.   Yet to sleep.
Daily I sleep with my son at night. I feel like swallowed & spat by anaconda in the mornings. Full body pain and wet!
Wetness isn't saliva of course !!  Any guess?!

Women's era...
Every husband must be like Modi ji. Ready to fall at women's feet if one can get some mileage.  I am clocking 100 km pl.

Philosophy corner...
In Whatsapp When I write something on my right side people view them on their left side. When they type something on them right side, I view them on my left side.
Similarly when God does something good for us, we may perceive it wrong. It will take time to realise God's true intention. Don't trust your knowledge. Trust God.

Issued in public Interest...
Today I saw a beautiful girl wearing 4,5 mangal sutras in her neck. I was bit shocked and wondered if it was the latest trend and looked again i.e the mangal sutras. I was relieved to see that the girl was wearing her company ID in a yellow rope that was shredded. So please bloody companywallas don't give yellow rope to the girls to hang (!).  Give them some other colour ropes.

Today's thought....
Drinking a bottle of chilled water after a strenuous workout feels like heaven. Its like confessing to wife when she is in good mood. When both backfires, the elegy begins.

House Order No. 11
As the holiday granted on account of International Women's day is over, all husbands are instructed to join the house for regular duties and to remain submissive and obedient as ever.
Next leave from wives may be granted to the lucky few during Summer holidays and to the rest in Tamil "Aadi" month.

Home Intolerance…
Unlike our villages, It seems impossible to get a maid in these metros. My wife placed many conditions similar to Army recruitment. Maid has to be punctual, Orderly, must do the job cleanly, should not gossip, not to demand more likewise.
My condition was only one and simple one.  “she has to be pretty”.  It was never met.

Doubt Corner....
I think all Sriharikota rockets and satellites are linked with fiber optic cables through our street or another Harappa site is found here. They keep digging and digging. When we reach the other end, Tamil Nadu will fight for water with America as well.

Curse Continues...
UPSIDC branch of State Bank of India (SBI) in Kanpur has credited over Rs 95,000 cr into a poor woman’s bank account making her panicky- News.
I am also going and coming to SBI branch with Rs.2000 as balance. I don't know why these bad things never happen to me and make me PANICKY!!

# WWF Champs
Women are loving, caring, self sacrificing, gentle and awesome given the role of sister, daughter, wife and mother. Give them the role of MOTHER IN LAW, well they are in a different league altogether.


Office agonies…
In any department, smokers mingle like rum and water and become long last brothers immediately. We are the only aliens who could neither mingle nor separate. After all Smoking causes friendship.

Confusion Corner...
Last year I paid Rs.10200/- and brought academic books for my children. Today I sold them to old paper man for Rs.200. Remaining 10'000 I wanted to credit in my children's knowledge account. But my son insists to show them in wastage account. He must be right.

Queue thoughts...
Whatsapp and Facebook reduce the length of queue, wherever we stand.

Doubt corner…

*   When Indians complete air travel, Why do they never remove the baggage destination tag till reaching their remote hometown? Do they ever remove it or always carry them around till it wears off?
*   Why do we celebrate the Indians who achieved some thing big in a foreign country, when they had already left Madame India, obtained foreign citizenship and settled elsewhere? Our press finds out that their father’s 2nd grandmother was Indian.
*   If plucking a white hair from the head produces more white hairs, Will plucking a black hair prop up more black hair?
*   The Impending fall of low hip pants is more dangerous to the wearing men or watching women?

Rummy Nation

I hate gambling. I don’t know whether I was born as Yudhisthira in my former birth and lost my wife Panchali in gambling. Now gambling is also there, wife is also there! But time has changed!!

In Kolkata Office, we used to play rummy with others in our office club betting money. Though I resented playing, my friends always carried me to the rummy table as if for my funeral. I was eventually buried. It’s not that I was a novice in rummy. It’s just that lady luck never came near me fearing my wife. When I got good cards, they wouldn’t play. When they got good cards, I played and got thrashed. Because my proficient rummy partners read my face like a cartoon book but kept their faces like zombies. I played by wearing a mask. But my body language on getting good cards acted like a dog’s tail in front of its master who had chicken in his hands. I played by concealing my whole body under burkha like a Muslim lady. But my mind voice was so loud, I made the deaf to hear. So I was always beaten into pulp. Luckily they didn’t play betting on my belongings. Otherwise I would have been reduced to my single piece swimsuit often. When my accolades spread and rummiers from nearby offices started to pour in, It was time to take transfer to Chennai to escape them. But here my friends breathe and thrive on hearts and spades.

Rummy should be our national game as majority of Indians play card games like 28, 3 Cards or rummy. Microsoft added MS Excel for Americans, MS Word for Chinese and FreeCell & Solitaire for Indians.

Rummy has health benefits! When I don’t get rummy while playing, I start sweating, my heart pounds and blood rushes similar to jogging. As I try to peep into others’ cards, my eyesight improves by notches. As I am alert to others’ swearings, my hearing capacity improves. It teaches you how to be expert in body language and control my facial expressions. The latter one is very useful when your boss tear you apart in front of your juniors. Here I see experts who have developed ESP power by playing rummy. They foresee my cards and my future as well. Rummy improves team spirit when coupled with real spirit as they are independently dependent on each other!

Rummy motivates you to convert small failures into stepping stones to victory. If you don’t read it well, it may well be your grave stone. I have ordered mine in granite.

Rummy is the father of all superstitions. Here people prefer same place, same costumes and same liquor brand to continue the winning streak. I tried special poojas, palmistry and parrot astrology. Still all the good stars lose their reputation when supporting me.

Time to take transfer again.